Glorious Unfolding

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It was designated by President Ronald Reagan in1988 as a means to bring awareness, support, and education about miscarriage, SIDS, stillbirths, other pregnancies and childrens lives that end tragically and too soon. This month is a great opportunity for parents to rally with each other in support and understanding for what they/we have gone through. It provides opportunities for others to speak out about their pregnancy losses and/or their children's death. I know when I first went through the pain of losing my daughter through a stillbirth I knew only one person who had suffered like I had. Since Lucy's death I've met many others and heard about others who have also endured the pain of losing a child. Awareness is a good thing and can be a comfort to know you're not the only one.

With those thoughts, much of what I read or see posted on various Facebook pages put so much emphasis on grief and dealing with the grief. I'm not trying to minimize grief, I have my share, however, I wish the focus centered more around hope than grief. Because you see, there is a great hope, even in the midst of pain. We have a sovereign God who orchestrates our life in a perfect way that will glorify Himself. We can't see the big picture but He can. And that is the Glorious unfolding. 

I heard this song the other day on my way to soccer practice and these thoughts I've shared came to mind. I can't focus on sadness and grief at the loss of my little girl. I must turn my focus to the hope in Christ who gives and takes life away. He has a plan and it is good because God is good, all the time. To God be the glory!

Take a minute and listen to the song. It has a powerful message for anyone who is struggling or going through something they wouldn't have chosen to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=qVxxTsSUFdw

For all you parents who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or another way, you can grieve but remember there is hope in Jesus Christ. Trust Him and rest in His unfailing love. 

This is the reason...

I've been asked numerous times, how do you do it? How do you cope and go on with life after losing a child? How are you not depressed? Well, for me, it's simple. It's because of today, Easter. This is the reason. The resurrection. My hope is in Christ and that one day I will spend eternity with Him and with my precious little Lucy. 

Now don't get me wrong, it's not always easy. I don't want to paint this picture that it doesn't bother me that she's not here, because it does. I miss her dearly but know she has it so much better in the presence of God. It's simply because of what Christ did that makes carrying on possible and worthwhile.

I believe in the living, true God. The God who sent His Son to be born of a virgin, live a sinless life and then die the cruel death on the cross for me and you. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." 

The best part of this is that He didn't stay dead. My God is not still hanging on a cross. 3 days later He rose again. You can read the accounts of Jesus' resurrection in all 4 gospels.

Christ suffered so we could live eternally with God. 1 Peter 3:18 says,"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the spirit."

We are unrighteous and unworthy of God and His love for us. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." However, His love for us is greater than we can ever imagine. He demonstrated this on the cross. Romans 5:8. "But God demonstrates His love for us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." 

"The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus," Romans 6:23. We can't earn this gift of eternal life. No matter how good of a person we are or how many times we go to church or give to the needy or any other good deed it WILL NOT bring us to Christ and give us eternal life in Heaven. Titus 3:5, "Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy he saved us, by the washing and regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit. 

Here's the way. God is looking at the heart. He wants your heart. Romans 10:9-10, "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised  Him from he dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." 

So you see, you have to not only believe but admit you are a sinner and need a savior. Then you must ask God to forgive your sins and come live in your heart. This my friend, is when you will have the peace that surpasses all understanding. I don't worry about a lot of things and feel okay about the path God has put me on because I have full assurance that the God who loved me enough to die on a cross for my sins is going to get me through any tough time I encounter. 

The best part is, when I die, I know exactly where I'm going. Straight to Heaven to see my Lord and my Lucy.  

I serve a risen savior, he's in the world today...you ask me how I know he lives? He lives within my heart! 

If you made it to the end of this, thanks for reading. This is my heart and I wanted to share the thoughts that have been running through my head today. 

my sweet, sweet molly

the girls and i went to visit lucy and tell her merry chirstmas this afternoon. on the drive over molly was discussing what we should do next to decorate lucy's grave. she loves to plan ideas....easter was the next holiday she was thinking about. while we were at the cemetery she wanted to walk around and see how other parents had decorated their child's grave. we saw several with a christmas tree inserted into the vase and decided next year lucy would have her own tree with little ornaments.

tonight we were reading the christmas story and discussing the true meaning of christmas one last time. i love that molly understands the reason we celebrate christmas and give gifts is in rememberance of our Heavenly Father's great gift for us, His Son, Jesus. we talked about how God sent Jesus to be born in a manger and that He came to die on the cross for our sins and rise again on the 3rd day. in order to receive His free gift of salvation, all we have to do is ask Jesus to come into our hearts and save us from our sins. when we do this, and believe in Christ, we are saved, always. after this conversation molly looked at me with all seriousness and asked how lucy could go to heaven since she died in my tummy and didn't do this. i love her concern for her sister. i explained to her that Jesus lets little children who do not understand what it means to be saved or who die before they are born to go to heaven. He does, was her response. i quickly answered, yes, and she was so reassured that her sister was indeed living in heaven with Jesus.

a walk to remember

it's hard for me to believe that lucy's been gone for 3 months already. i miss her like crazy and am still trying to figure out what i'm supposed to be learning from this whole situation. today molly, sophie and i participated in a walk to remember at shawnee mission park. it was a memory walk for families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. there were about 30-40 families who participated. it was nice to connect with a few other moms who have experienced the loss of a child. we went on a 2 mile walk on one of the trails and then personalized a balloon for lucy. there were even enough for molly and sophie to do their own for their sister.

during the drive time today, molly asked some questions about lucy's death. trying to teach a 3 year old about heaven and heavenly bodies vs. earthly bodies...tough stuff. i did my best to explain how she's in the ground and in heaven...shared how to get to heaven...she kinda got some of it but also tried to make sense of it in her little mind by including her fairies! she told me her fairies fly up to heaven to visit lucy and she wished she could fly like her fairies so she could go. such a sweet girl. she misses her littlest sister.

after the balloon release we stopped by walmart and bought a little pie pumpkin and some markers. then went out to the cemetery and decorated it for lucy. she now has a little pumpkin by her grave. happy halloween sweet baby!

i came across this song a few weeks ago. it speaks the message so clearly of how i'm feeling. once again, i'm blessed to know that i will see my baby again because i have a personal relationship with Christ. take a few minutes and listen to the song...you'll be touched. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_izw6Vbz-0

Jesus needed a lucy

those are the sweet words spoken by molly to my dad in the hospital waiting room before lucy was delivered. too young to really comprehend, but she knew that lucy was going to live with Jesus in heaven. i know many of you are wondering what in fact happened almost 2 weeks ago on sunday, july 10th. here's lucy's story.

saturday night was much like any other, lucy was active after dinner, not as much as usual, but she was still moving. i went to sleep and woke up sunday morning around 6 and never felt her move. this was unusual because she always moved as soon as i woke up. i tried eating sugar, jiggling my stomach, drinking water. still nothing. i got dressed and went to church still concerned. i was having some contractions but they weren't painful or regular. around 11:00 a.m. she still hadn't moved so i called my doctor. my doctor didn't seem too concerned but asked me to come to the hospital where she was at so they could hook me up to the monitor to check things out. the nurses tried finding a heartbeat and couldn't and then called my doctor for a sonogram. i saw my sweet baby motiononless in my womb and knew it was bad news when she called another doctor in just to be sure. lucy in fact had died and i was soon preparing to go into the operating room. matt and i were devestated but tried to remain calm and thankful for what we had.

lucy was born at 2:41p.m. weighing 9 lbs 6 oz and was 20 inches long. she was a beautiful little girl and a great mix of molly and sophie. there was no question they were sibblings. lucy's cord had been thinned, probably because of a kink, and that put her into stress. she most likely swallowed too much meconium. the next few hours were spent with family holding our precious little girl. matt left the hospital about 8 p.m. to be with molly and sophie and i took full advantage of my time alone with my daughter. i held my baby all night, just as i would have if she would have been alive. saying good bye was the hardest thing i ever hope i have to go through in my life.

my life has forever changed and it's not an easy rode to go down. some days are good, others are not. a part of me is missing however, i must remain strong in the promise that my hope is in the Lord. i will see my lucy again one day and spend eternity with her. right now, she's in the best place, our Savior's arms. the Bible says for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. we can't save ourselves, no matter how good we are or how many good deeds we do, how many times we go to church or donate money to charity, no of this matters unless we've come to the realization that it is only through a belief in Christ that we will go to heaven. not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us. believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. my friends, you must come to a point in your life where you admit to Christ that you are a sinner and need His saving grace and ask Him to come and live in your heart and be Lord of your life and then and only then will you spend eternity in heaven. it's my prayer that little lucy will impact the lives of others and bring them to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.