my heart is filled with thankfulness
to him who walks beside
who floods my weaknesses and strengths
and causes fear to fly
whose every promise is enough
for every step i take
sustaining me with arms of love
and crowning me with grace
--my heart is filled with thankfulness by keith getty and stuart townend
let me take you back about 10 months. sunday, april 29th, my pastor preached a sermon about overcoming your greatest fear. the text was out of 1 samuel. the next morning i was headed to the doctor to take the first step towards overcoming my greatest fear, going through another pregnancy. it was something i strongly wanted but scared me to death.
a month later that blue plus sign appeared and i was excited yet still scared. i claimed this verse for the next nine months:
psalm 115:1 not unto us o lord, not unto us. but to your name give glory, because of your mercy, because of your truth.
i knew this pregnancy, just like the last three were in God's hand and his will would be done. my goal was to give him the glory he deserved.
after nine long, stressful months of doctor appointments and worry, the day finally arrived. miles allen drake was born at 9:32 a.m. (quickest delivery yet - they called the start of surgery at 9:29 and he was out 3 minutes later). i remember repeating to matt that i just needed to hear a cry. what a glorious sound it was. a nice strong, healthy cry. at that moment all i could do was cry myself and say out loud, "thank you, God". and then i was exhausted. i felt like a huge weight had been lifted and i could finally relax. seriously could have fallen asleep on the operating table had i not been trying to see everything happening with miles.
i was prepared for a BIG baby, 9+ pounds. that's what i had been told by the perinatologist. he would be big. his head was measuring 3 weeks bigger than his body according to the sonograms so i wasn't surprised when they pulled him out and said he was a big boy. then they weighed him and he was only 8 pounds 6 ounces. my response, "he's little!". miles was my smallest baby. everything was small and lacking the fat rolls that the girls had. it's fun to have a little guy. look at his skinny little legs!
miles is a sweetheart and loves, loves, loves to be held. i wouldn't have it any other way though. it's what you do with a baby. i never want to put him down. it's a shame there are other things that must be done like laundry and meal preparation.
he is captivated by molly and sophie and loves to watch them. they love their little brother as well and always want to hold him, help feed him (little stinker quit nursing and must have a bottle now), get diapers, and play with him. they're quite the little mothers to their babies as well; mimicking all that i do. sophie keeps saying, "you so happy you have your baby". it's the cutest thing. they waited a long nine months also and watched the month-by-month pictures of baby development that were hanging in the perinatologist's exam room. at the last visit they couldn't stop talking about how when we first came he was on the three and now he had made it to the nine.
really i could go on and on about this little guy. he's precious and i am so incredibly grateful to have him. it's overwhelming the amount of thankfulness i feel sometimes. God is good all the time and i give him the glory for miles' life.